


Hit It Until It Breaks (It Broke.)

by RageAgainstTheNormal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Think I've Killed Myself, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:52:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageAgainstTheNormal/pseuds/RageAgainstTheNormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'And then, everything moved in even slower motion. There was a panic, a scurry to get the last ball—but it broke. They couldn’t hit it anymore. </p><p>Aoba Johsai had lost against Karasuno. The team fell silent, just as Karasuno screamed and celebrated. Everything burned. The weight of their exhaustion had sunk in, and fists were clenched all around the team.'</p><p>(A heavy angst fanfiction, set after Aoba Johsai loses to Karasuno. Iwaizumi and Oikawa have to rebuild their pieces together, but the struggle is hard and long.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hit It Until It Breaks (It Broke.)

**Author's Note:**

> So. After crying for thirty minutes at the manga, then an hour at the anime, why not write a fanfiction that makes my heart hurt more? c:
> 
> Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Haikyuu!!. If I did, IwaOi would be past canon by now. I only own the story.
> 
> **NOTE: This is unbeta'd. If you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out!

Everything burned. Eyes were strained at the ball, the entire team was panting and deep in concentration. Limbs ached, voices were hoarse from yelling, and everything moved and throbbed in slow motion. Hands burned from hitting the volleyball so hard, and voices were raw from screaming and yelling. Rage, confidence, fury, guilt, joy, pride, and anger—the emotions all came in waves. The waves were powerful, but even so, they kept pushing through. The team kept following their captain’s motto. They were hitting it over and over, stretching their muscles over and over, and getting the ball at all costs. When it came to both life, and volleyball, they were hitting it until it breaks. In the process of all these, the members went to far as to do rolls on the ground and hiss out in pain, dive into a table to get the ball, or even accept that they tasted blood and felt light headed.

 

And then, everything moved in even slower motion. There was a panic, a scurry to get the last ball—but it broke. They couldn’t hit it anymore.

 

Aoba Johsai had lost against Karasuno. The team fell silent, just as Karasuno screamed and celebrated. Everything burned. The weight of their exhaustion had sunk in, and fists were clenched all around the team.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa was deadly silent in this time, hazel eyes burning brighter than ever before, and focused on Kageyama for a brief moment. The sight hurt his eyes. His younger student, who he should have beat in junior high, was standing there, with a sneer on his lips. And now, once again, Oikawa found himself beneath the other players, the dark void opening up. Just like Ushijima, Kageyama now stood above him. Those dark eyes were filled with pride, a pride that Oikawa had never seen in Kageyama’s eye before. It was Hinata. His side, his other half, the one that completed him when it came to volleyball. They were both floating on pride, while Oikawa led his team into the darkness.

He was a third year. This was his last game with this team. This year, this game, this career—it was plummeting away faster and faster. Oikawa didn’t want it to leave. That meant Iwaizumi would float away with it, with a career and life of his own, and Oikawa had no plans at all. Universities from many places wanted him, but not the overly elite ones. This game would have got him in those. Instead, Oikawa had just lost ranking. Or so, he lost ranking in his own mind. The rest of the team wasn’t any better. Hanamaki was collapsed against the ground, fists balled and wetness dripping against the floor. Whether it was sweat or tears, Oikawa didn’t know. Matsukawa was the same, teeth gritted, fists balled, on his knees. Then, Oikawa’s eyes drifted over the most heart breaking scene ever. Iwaizumi Hajime, the person he cherished the most, was also breaking down in tears, on his hands and knees. Mumbles left the vice captains lips, and as Oikawa slowly moved his burning legs towards Iwaizumi, he could start to hear the angry, guilty hisses.

“I should have hit it harder—I should have got that one hit—I could have dived farther! Dammit!” Iwaizumi spat out, clenching his fist harder against the ground, the tears that were forming in his eyes finally dripping down his cheek, and his teeth latched into his lower lip, trying to keep back the cries that were welling inside of him.

It hurt. This sight hurt. Oikawa hurried even closer, before tensely, the captain reached a hand out, putting it on his best friend’s shoulder. “Iwaizumi. Get up. We have to go.” Oikawa said, voice blank. He knew better than to let the emotion out here. Oikawa would explode at this point, and even Iwaizumi knew it wasn’t Oikawa being cold. It was Oikawa struggling.

Iwaizumi slowly moved, taking in a deep, shaky breath, as he sat up on his knees. The spiker was catching his breath in this moment, dark brown eyes slowly going upward, meeting Oikawa’s flamed hazel ones. “Yeah.” Iwaizumi choked out, but before he could struggle to get up on his own, a red tinted hand, from hitting the volleyball so hard, was extended out to him.

“Lean on me this time. I’m still the captain.” Oikawa said, controlling the emotion in his voice once again. For now, he was still the captain. All the third years… They would be leaving very soon, after the school year ended, and a new captain would be appointed. Even though the whole team felt this crushing pain, school would still have to be attended for the last month, and college plans would have to be drawn out. It was stressful, hard, and emotional for them all. The tension around this side of the court was too great to measure, and Karasuno seemed to see that, waving over at the referee to call off the last bow to each other. Daichi did have a nice soul in him, it seemed.

Oikawa almost couldn’t breathe when the other stretched out his own hand, tightly grasping, warm fingers now clenching his own. Though, Iwaizumi’s eyes had momentarily turned fierce, and dark orbs turned upwards towards his friend. “Okay. But, if you dare bottle up all these feelings, I’ll punch you in the stomach.” Iwaizumi said strictly. It wasn’t that he was cruel. By now, Oikawa knew mostly how Iwaizumi worked. He covered things up with harsh words, but under all of the words were underlined with care and worry. Iwaizumi was that way to everyone. And at this moment, Iwaizumi was one of the ones struggling the most. The guilt, the pain, and the simple fact that Iwaizumi actually reached his breaking point was easy enough to tell. In one shaky motion, Oikawa tugged up his friend, before slinging an arm around his back, fingers curling ever so slightly in the fabric of the uniform.

“Deal.” Oikawa murmured back, grip tight on the ace. “Let’s go.” The brunette added on, the two slowly approaching their team, Iwaizumi only pausing once to sniffle ever so softly and wipe his eyes harshly, leaving his eyes red tinted and filled with the utter look of exhaustion. Both mental, and physical exhaustion. Iwaizumi’s mind was filled with doubts, questions, and the dreaded feeling of guilt. The game replayed in his head over and over—and nothing was getting better. Iwaizumi could see the flash of horror cross Oikawa’s face, the pain from him smashing through a table, and the limp in his knee. The spiker could also see the moments where he could have improved, hit the ball harder, or pushed himself to move quicker, even if it did mean injury. It was almost torture to remember those moments.

Oikawa was dreading the moment that his feelings would explode out of him. He knew it would happen, though. As soon as they get home, Oikawa would feel the guilt explode. Iwaizumi was already in tears, so for now, it was Oikawa’s turn to support his friend, to tell him that things were okay, and that, no, it wasn’t his fault. Oikawa was a hypocrite, though. Oikawa would blame himself for hours, days, years—no matter how hard someone tried to tell him it.

Carefully, Oikawa continued to lead his crying friend forward, passing by the few collapsed on the ground. Hazel eyes drifted forward, meeting the eyes of the coach, and only silent words were expressed. The coach knew it, seeing the face of both Iwaizumi and Oikawa and how they both needed to go home in this moment, and needed to get away from the crowds. The team was broken from their last game. Things could be rebuilt with first and second years, but the third years had a boulder on their shoulders at this point. With stress of scheduling college, feeling the guilt of the game, and college entrance exams—they were buried from these feelings.

Iwaizumi paused to wipe his eyes again, just as the two bend forward, and Oikawa lifted up his bags and Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa met eyes with the coach once more, nodding back. Home. Where things would break and feelings would explode. Oikawa didn’t know if he wanted to head home, or simply sit on a bench and comfort Iwaizumi. Frankly, the captain was conflicted about everything. His mind was a mess, just like he imagined Iwaizumi’s was. Once again, Oikawa turned with Iwaizumi, taking in a shaky breath.

“This is the last time we’ll see this gym, hmm? We won’t be able to see the national gym anymore, either, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa said, voice barely a whisper as he led Iwaizumi forward, off the court, the two shuffling slowly towards the exit. The nickname was his last part of sanity at this point, though his heart throbbed. College… Would the two even be together anymore? Oikawa could feel the tears building, and the small sniffs next to him didn’t help.

Iwaizumi reached an arm out, gripping the back of Oikawa’s shirt, just as Oikawa was doing for him. “You can make it college, Oikawa. Don’t give up yet, asshole.” Iwaizumi said simply, tanned fingers curling even tighter in the fabric of their uniforms.

Oikawa swallowed thickly. College. There was that word again. The setter was silent, pushing past the exit doors, hazel eyes taking in all the sights that would be his last. This gym… It held memories, sweat, blood, pain, joy, and smiles. “College… That’s a scary word, you know?” Oikawa murmured, lifting his free hand to adjust the bags on his shoulder, and wipe a bead of sweat from his forehead once again.

Iwaizumi had meant to talk to Oikawa sooner about college plans, he really had. Though, the more he thought about it, the more he postponed the talk. College was a scary word, he did have to admit that. “We’ll have to talk about it sooner or later, right?” Iwaizumi reasoned, lifting a hand once again to scrub at his eyes. The tears were just dripping on their own now. Perhaps from all the emotion he didn’t show—it was all being released in one wave now.

Oikawa only smiled, the smile a sad, torturous forced smile as they left the building, doors clanking behind them, and the spring air dancing around their warm bodies. The clanking was the hardest part. Those doors were closed now, locked tight. The third years would never again enter this building. This was closed to them, and the years of players before felt this guilt strongly. It wasn’t like Oikawa wanted the Youngers to feel the guilt. He understood the guilt very well. As second years, losing their last game, Oikawa cried for a day because he believed he let down the third years. It was opposite. Just like today, the third years all blamed themselves the hardest for not taking their younger players to nationals with them. The team would never be the same again. Aoba Johsai, this generation, was finished. New first years would enter, a new captain would be picked, and then the cycle of struggles would start all over again, while Karasuno pranced ahead to nationals. It disgusted Oikawa.

 

* * *

 

 

Oikawa’s mother was a frail, reserved woman who cared a lot for her son and Iwaizumi both, but even in this moment, Oikawa’s mother felt the wave of sadness coming from the two. She didn’t dare say anything yet, as clutters of shoes slipping off, sniffles, and bags being set down were heard. Mrs. Oikawa stood still, clasped her hands together at the table, and let hazel eyes scan over her son. At most, Mrs. Oikawa could offer the two a sad smile. They didn’t come in screaming, with Oikawa jumping on Iwaizumi’s back and wearing that grin of his that brightened up everything. This time, her son’s eyes were shiny, dark, defeated, and even Iwaizumi seemed broken to pieces.

It was a silent motion this time. Oikawa reached out a hand to Iwaizumi, gently grasping it, before leading the other deeper into the familiarity of his home. Even now, it seemed nostalgic. The good times they had there, the secrets shared underneath blanket forts and the small smiles exchanged between innocent boys who didn’t have to worry about tests, colleges, or the fact that they were going to have to leave each other and this town to function on their own. Children had it lucky. The stairs looked long and dark, but it still felt like they were moving downwards, even though their stiff legs carried them silently up the stairs, Iwaizumi’s fingers tightly gripping Oikawa’s hand. Oikawa’s eyes were also shiny this time, filling with the tears that he had been holding back since when the ball hit the floor behind him. He could have dived farther. If he wouldn’t have been too slow, or if his knee didn’t experience the sudden pain, Oikawa could have got that last hit. They wouldn’t have lost if it wasn’t for him.

The setter tightened his grip on Iwaizumi’s hand as the two finally reached the top of the stairs, and hazel eyes darted sideways, meeting dark brown eyes. It was a silent exchange of pain again, before Oikawa reached out to push the door of his room open. For this scenario, it seemed like too happy of a room. Bright covers with black alien pillows, books and figurines lined up neatly on shelves, and a desk filled with materials that Oikawa had tried to cover before. College applications and letters, of course. It didn’t take long for Iwaizumi to let go of Oikawa’s hand, reluctantly, and to step into the room, eyes fluttering closed, trying to contain the welling of tears once again. It seemed endless. Sooner or later, Iwaizumi was going to drown in his own thoughts and tears, alongside Oikawa.

Iwaizumi opened his eyes again to see the teary eyed setter shuffling forward, opening up a drawer in his dresser. “Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked, voice cracked and hoarser than he had expected it to be. It hurt to talk, but at the same time, Iwaizumi wanted to scream. Feelings were strange things.

Oikawa didn’t answer this time, until he turned around, holding a purple blanket tight to his chest. Iwaizumi recognized it immediately. The blanket had seen a lot of things in the past. Tears from Oikawa, during thunderstorms, where the brunette would get Iwaizumi to cower under the blanket with him, and his tears to finally stop. The blanket had traveled to Iwaizumi’s house, where Oikawa would crawl closer to Iwaizumi and cover them both in it when Iwaizumi’s parents would fight, before covering Iwaizumi’s ears and offering him a smile. This blanket had seen the worst times of the two, and seemingly, it wasn’t over. Iwaizumi couldn’t help the tears that dripped down this time.

“You remember it too?” Oikawa asked, voice cracked and strained, finally allowing his own tears to dribble down his cheeks, before landing silently on the plush black carpet.

Iwaizumi could only nod at this point, biting the inside of his cheek to stop a sob from wrenching from him. This time, he would let Oikawa do the talking for a while, before the two would both break down. It was inevitable.

“This will be our last time with this blanket, together. We might go to different universities, or you may get married by then—“ Oikawa cut off, one hand clenching at his side. The thought hurt. Of course, the setter was aware of why. Iwaizumi was the one drifting in his mind at almost all times, lingering there. Oikawa couldn’t focus on dates with girls, no matter how pretty their smiles were, or how nice they were. His thoughts would always linger to Iwaizumi, and his smile that he longed to see, or how a date with Iwaizumi would be much more fun. No more stupid romance movies, or awkward situations. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were already close. There were no bumps to get over when it came to relationships. But, if it ever did happen, there was now the mountain of college, careers, and the issue of family. For now, Oikawa’s head was already messed up enough. He was love sick, broken, and in tears. At this point, the setter already didn’t have any dignity. He just wanted to curl up with Iwaizumi under the blanket and let the tears flow, and warmth envelope him. The setter didn’t want to think of college. He didn’t want to think of the climb over that mountain, or all the obstacles that would continue to arise if things kept going well. There was always calm before a storm, and each storm throughout the years only got worse and worse.

Iwaizumi sniffled, simply motioning for Oikawa to come closer. He knew the spot already. It seemed overly nostalgic. Iwaizumi was quick to sit down against the backboard of Oikawa’s bed, against the floor, facing up at the other with another teary look. “Maybe we don’t have to go to different universities. Maybe—Maybe we can coordinate and find one that both of us got scholarships for. You haven’t even told me what you want your career to be,” Iwaizumi said sadly.

This time, Oikawa was the one to let out a broken sob and stumble forward, undoing the blanket as he walked. Carefully, Oikawa sat down next to Iwaizumi, leaning against him as he tossed the blanket above them, careful to tuck one corner of the blanket into the mattress, the rest falling over them like a purple cocoon, blocking all the light from the room. Oikawa let out another sound, before he let his head fall sideways, resting against Iwaizumi’s head. “I… I got a scholarship to Tokyo for volleyball. I think I want to continue it, and have part-time jobs on the side,” Oikawa admitted.

At this, Iwaizumi also let out a broken sob, but of relief, a tanned arm stretching around Oikawa and pulling him closer into the warmth of his body. “I want to go to Tokyo too. For sports medicine.” Iwaizumi couldn’t say it yet. The reason why he wanted to go into sports medicine. But, the thoughts were immediate. The way Oikawa would shudder from his knee and hold back cries of pain, and how long it took him to get over the pain of the incident. Even now, when Oikawa would take off the brace and Iwaizumi would watch as Oikawa would bite down on his lip until it bled, simply to not show weakness. If anything, Iwaizumi wanted to be able to help. At times, the spiker felt helpless. He couldn’t help Oikawa with his pain yet. He could carry his bags, scold him about not wearing his brace, and support him when he fell. That was it, and really, it wasn’t enough.

“Really? So I worried for nothing?” Oikawa asked with a broken laugh, reaching out an arm as well to gently pull Iwaizumi’s head against his shoulder, before resting his own against Iwaizumi’s again.

Iwaizumi echoed the broken laugh. Though, slight relief washed over them from the position the two were in. It was nice, being against Oikawa like this. Warm, comforting, and nostalgic. “Apparently so,” Iwaizumi murmured. He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell Oikawa why he worked so hard to get into Tokyo, why he didn’t want to leave Oikawa’s side, and why it hurt so much imagining Oikawa in pain or gone from his side.

Oikawa didn’t respond this time. Only a soft sniffle came from the taller male, and a motion of Oikawa shakily leaning down to press soft lips against the forehead of the spiker, lingering there for a moment. Oikawa couldn’t use his words in this moment. It was impulse that led the setter to do this, and it was impulse that Iwaizumi tilted his face up to meet their lips in an actual kiss. Though, they would both being lying if they said tears didn’t fall the entire time. Relief, and sadness alike. College would be hard, but they would be together. The next day at school would be hard, but they would be together. The relationship that was forming between sweet kisses and fingering curling into fabric, and tight hugs would be hard—but they both knew it now.

Nothing could separate these two from each other. Not pain, not loss, not other people, and certainly not anything else.

Oikawa loved Iwaizumi, and that’s all that mattered.

Iwaizumi loved Oikawa, and that’s all that mattered.

They were together, through the pain of this moment and tears, and they were together through the warm hugs and kisses of support and love. Even during the mountain climb of college and life, the two were inseparable.

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry over anime with me on Tumblr. ( http://levi-friggin-ackerman.tumblr.com/ )
> 
> Or, come cry over anime with me on Instagram. ( @TrashyIzaya )
> 
> Comments and Kudo's always welcome and very appreciated! As always, constructive criticism is very welcome! Thank you very much for the read, and I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
